Is My Home Repelling Men?

February 14, 2019

 

I cannot stop thinking about the daily mail article that got an ‘interiors therapist’ to visit a female journalists apartment to tell her that owning 'gloomy' books and a cactus was deterring men and sabotaging her love life. 

According to the article, books should not be kept in the bedroom, presumably in the circumstance that you bring your date home and he notices that you don’t own a copy of Sapiens or any other book that all men ever are reading on the tube and instead your shelves are stocked with titles such as ’how to date men when you hate men’ and ‘Black Widow Spider: a beginners guide to eating and spitting out your date' (only the first title is a real book)

 

If he can get past the books the cactus will surely insure his ghosting of you the next day as the daily mail have stated cacti as UNWELCOMING!

Tip: Maybe put it in a pot with a smiley face on it so it comes across more friendly? See example above.

 

All this total bullshit has got me to dissect my own space as if I were an ‘interiors therapist’ to see what might be repelling men.

 

 First up are my new Desenio prints (to be hung up in the kitchen at some point) expressing my loves for 1.Pasta 2. A well fitting bra and 3.Pink alcohol 

 

I'm not totally sure what message the third print is saying to visitors, but personally I think its time men were going about their business and suddenly found themselves faced with a picture of an aubergine completely unsolicited.

 

As for books: the ultimate man repeller, my place is full of them.

 

 

We've got a huge collection of fashion, art and photography books interspersed with Vogue magazines and the occasional Salman Rushdie title.

 

Side note: There is currently no floor in my hall which may lead a man to assume I have cold feet.

 

 

The books then continue into the bedroom against the strict instructions of the daily mail. Bedroom book titles include 'everything I know about love' and 'get your shit together' and a number of books that are turned spine backwards indicating either a Pinterest obsession or that they are books about murdering people and they are turned around so as not to alarm anyone. (both are true, Pinterest and murder obsessions)

 

LOVE ornament gives mum energy.

 

Books have also been used to fix the sofa:

 Having a broken sofa propped up on a DIY manual indicates a sense of humour which may confuse a man as 'women aren't funny'.

 

 

 The bedroom is filled with indications that neither my face or smell is natural and that everything attractive about me has been manufactured by Charlotte Tilbury and Carolina Herrera.

 

Giant gold mirror (one of the 9 mirrors in the room) indicating narcissism and excessive vanity?

 

 

 

As for clothing. Both of my wardrobes are so full that coats and accessories have been denominated to the rack. There isn't so much as half a spare draw.

I read once that to make your home inviting to men you should always have an empty draw. Maybe a spare shoe box will do borrower style?

 

I'm sure the interiors therapist would have something to say about the fact I only have one bedside table, and a box of snacks right by the bed. Perhaps my luxurious fur throw also shows I don't need no man to keep me warm and men wont feel wanted in this space?

 

 

 The bathroom is a similar tale of bought beauty but the sheer amount of product leaves no room for those 8in1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, moisturiser, exfoliator, eyebrow wax, hair gel and toothpaste men own.

 

 

Thats everything I can think of thats supposedly wrong with my space, but lets remember ladies, men will have rooms consisting of a bare mattress on the floor and a ps4.

 

All prints by Desenio

Plant pot by Urban outfitters

Fur throw is House of Frazer

Pink cushion is Primark (old)

Box of roses by Grace Flowers

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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